I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
