Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
