It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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