you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
