turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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