And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
