Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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