I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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