I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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