i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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