ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
