Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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