If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
