I smell stomach acid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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