I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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