Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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