When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
