saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
