I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i now understand why vodka
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
