I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
