conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
