i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
