It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
