I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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