The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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