i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
