sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Alive.
So much puke
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
