david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
