I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
