Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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