Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
