So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
