i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
