Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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