ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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