My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
