Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
