Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
