she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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