literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
