the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The ass gains better be worth it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
