Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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