her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
