I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
