Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
