$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
