Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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