I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
