between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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