Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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