I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
