My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
