She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
