your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
